From Cloning to the Macron Strain: How Could Russia Use the French President's DNA?

© AP Photo / Efrem LukatskyFrench President Emmanuel Macron gestures while speaking during a joint news conference with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky following their talks in Kyiv, Ukraine, Tuesday, Feb. 8, 2022
French President Emmanuel Macron gestures while speaking during a joint news conference with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky following their talks in Kyiv, Ukraine, Tuesday, Feb. 8, 2022 - Sputnik International, 1920, 12.02.2022
Everyone who keeps up with Western media knows that Russians are no good. Capable of pulling out a country from the European Union or invading a neighbour by just relocating troops within their own land: if they are not trying to steal your election, watch out for your DNA!
It turns out that the grotesquely long table that Vladimir Putin and Emmanuel Macron shared during their talks in Moscow was not a symbol of deteriorating relations between Russia and the West, as some speculated. It was, instead, about the French president refusing to get PCR-tested in Russia. Why? Because he feared the Russians would "get their hands" on his DNA, according to Reuters, citing sources from the Elysee Palace.
Strap yourselves in for an exciting journey through the options that could have been given a go by the devious Russians had Emmanuel Macron not shielded himself from a sneaky PCR test!

Le Clone?

This option is as obvious as it is effective. The plan could have been simple: just get the French president to take the necessary health precaution and you have an opportunity to clone him and... mon dieu, then do whatever one may imagine!
Imagine a world with not one Macron, but two, three, four, five, six, seven, or even twelve whole Macrons. A dozen Macrons freshly cloned out of the oven. Delicious and decadent these twelve Macrons would make for an exceptional gift or just a little treat after a hard day. Oh, the power the Russians would have over the French with an entire box of Macrons at their disposal.
Or imagine how useful it would be to have your own personal army consisting of him. World leaders would tremble over the mere thought of another mildly competent politician boring their populations into a deep slumber only to see their lands seized by their adversaries. Macron the Monotonous, destroyer of fun, inducer of yawns, sleepier of sleep, one sheep, two sheep...zzzz.
It's a pity that the world leaders who had visited the Kremlin before Macron were less cautious: clearly, we are to expect a bunch of clones of, say, Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban (who visited Moscow in early February) or Iranian President Ebrahim Raisi (who did the same in late January).

Unraveling Family Secrets?

People today do DNA tests for various reasons: from mere curiosity about one's genome to dramatic family stories with sensitive paternity issues.
Many have already giggled at how the decision not to take the PCR test could have been a nod to political stereotypes. But what if it's actually a totally different kind of story? Maybe, the French president was afraid that the Russians will reveal some secrets of his family tree?
Given that the PCR method is also used for DNA paternity test, one has to restrict their imagination when it comes to what Macron could have feared.

Genetic Code?

Let's ditch the speculations about the paternity tests, as people also turn to DNA research when they want to know more about themselves.
What do I eat to be healthier? Do I have some kind of genetic repulsion for certain products or do I just hate broccoli? What sports suit me better? What should I avoid? Do I have pre-disposition for some illnesses? What are my body's strengths and what are its weak spots?
These and many other questions, as it turns out, can be answered if you have some scientists look closely at your DNA samples. Imagine that the Kremlin finds out about all the weaknesses written into your genetic code. Would you want that? The leader of the French nation would certainly not!

The Macron Strain

Was it Macron's desire to keep his DNA out of the Russians' hands or was he scared that he would inadvertently become a biological weapon capable of crippling the French government worse than the croissant shortage of 2017?
Macron is no fool, the long cotton swab needed to conduct a PCR test would be the perfect instrument to administer a deadly illness. Infected with a disease or virus so terrible only the Russians could have concocted it, Macron would be a Trojan horse of despair throughout France.
Unemployment, rising petrol prices, pension reform, and general ineptitude are all plights that Macron can stomach bestowing on the people of France. But the Russian cold, a cold so cold that it could only come from Russia, would be a bridge too far.
Russian President Vladimir Putin attends a meeting with French President Emmanuel Macron in Moscow, Russia February 7, 2022 - Sputnik International, 1920, 11.02.2022
Macron Said to Have Refused PCR Test in Moscow Over Fear Russians Will 'Get Their Hands' on His DNA
Jokes aside, Macron's bizarre phobia of Russian-administered PCR coronavirus tests has raised eyebrows: the 13-foot-long table long that the two shared quickly became the butt of many memes and jokes.
In the end, the extensive negotiations appeared to have ended with the two sides managing to find common ground and hinting at new conversations in the future.
And, of course, the DNA of the French president remains safe... well, if one ignores the fact that the genetic material can be left in a lot of places: a toilet, a used glass of water, even a door handle. But if this small scientific tweak sits well with the Elysee Palace, why should anyone else be worried?
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