Billionaire real estate mogul Donald Trump has climbed to the top of the Republican presidential primary by bullying journalists, minorities, women, and perhaps most of all, his opponents. Now, at last, it seems that his Republican rivals have realized that sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.
Florida Senator Marco Rubio, long criticized for being too stiff on the campaign trail, has adopted Trump’s tactics. During a rally last week, a rebranded, looser Rubio took to the stage, pulled his smartphone from his pocket, and began mocking the billionaire’s misspelled Tweets. He followed this move with a routine that featured a zinger about Trump wetting his pants during a debate.
Over the weekend, the senator upped his game.
"His hands are the size of someone who’s [five feet five inches]. And you know what they say about men with small hands," Rubio told a crowd in Salem, Virginia, pausing for effect. "You can’t trust em!"
— Independent Journal (@INJO) February 29, 2016
That, of course, is not what they say about men with small hands, and in case it’s unclear, yes, Marco Rubio told a joke about Donald Trump’s genitals.
And he didn’t stop there.
"The reason he doesn’t sweat is his pores are clogged from his spray tan," Rubio quipped.
"Donald is not going to make America great, he’s going to make America orange," he said later, ribbing on Trump’s campaign slogan.
This followed Saturday’s standup act, in which Rubio suggested that the litigious billionaire sue “whoever did that to his face,” and, in an already overused comedic riff, proposed that Trump’s presidential plane be renamed Hair Force One.
This isn’t exactly top-shelf material, and probably isn’t going to land the Senator a gig with Mad Magazine, but the counter-bully strategy does appear to have some weight. As Josh Marshall pointed out, writing for Talking Points Memo, Trump’s success is based on an image of strength.
"Virtually everything Trump has done over the last six months, whether it’s a policy proposal or personal attack, has driven home this basic point: Trump is strong. He does things other people can’t."
If Rubio can undercut that image by mocking Trump, no matter how superficially, it could help him in the polls and, maybe more importantly, point out that the emperor has no clothes, indeed.
Unfortunately, Rubio may have discovered his inner Carrot Top too late. Having already secured a number of high-profile endorsements, including New Jersey governor and former presidential hopeful Chris Christie, Trump’s nomination may be inevitable at this point.
While this Republican descent into grade-school insults may be an embarrassing factor in this year’s election cycle, at least we can all rest easy knowing that Rubio has not – and, God willing, will not – make a penis joke about Republican rival Ted Cruz. Nobody wants to visualize that.
